In for Five, out for Ten

The world’s gone a wee bit squinty in the last few months, eh? Some people may be more anxious than usual, maybe finding it difficult to cope with feelings around our current situation with this virus and lockdown. There’s fear and uncertainty. But there’s amazing acts of kindness and love and happiness around too. There’s joy in simple things. We’ve been stripped back to basics and there’s a lot to be grateful for. I know that not everyone’s lockdown situation is the same, but, like me, some might be using this time to press a reset button or as a chance to reflect on what’s important. I hope this blog can help bring a bit of calm in the chaos and some from-the-heart connection. Maybe even a bit of colour or hope.

I’ve wanted to write a feelgood blog about anxiety & depression 🥳 (oxymoronic or what?!) for years! So here it is. It will hopefully give a personal insight into generalised anxiety disorder; panic attacks, how chronic anxiety can sometimes lead to depression & the monumental effort & strength it takes to mentally claw your way out of a deep, frightening hole when it.seems. like. you. just. can’t. I’ll share my own experiences and anecdotes, as well as the simple tips & lifestyle changes around positive psychology, uplifting philosophy, mindset & movement, books & practices that have worked for me. WARNING: there’s a lot of cooking/ reading/ music/ marvelling & joy-seeking involved 🙌🏻

The main message to anyone feeling the same way is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There’s an army of us who have been there and who know these feelings intimately. There’s massive hope for many people in getting through it & coming out stronger at the other side.

I’m a former anxiety sufferer of 20+years. Like, majorly. And I kept it secret for a very long time. Only people very close to me knew just how bad it was. I say former as I have it mostly under control, but it’s still there to be managed & I need to actively keep it in check. I’ve learned to recognise the signs and thankfully can now put a stop to the spiral, before it takes hold. It took me a long time to get to this point after years of trying to figure it all out.

I’ve studied & dabbled in a long list of practises over the years in a bid to rid myself of anxiety or at least manage it effectively. I’ve meditated, yoga’d, mindfulness’d. I’ve read, exercised, eaten dark chocolate & Brazil nuts, read, practised deep breathing, talked about it openly, prayed, had EFT treatment, drank green tea, read, found inspirational quotes, had counselling, written stories, cleaned, taken baths, read, found distractions, counted my blessings, climbed a mountain, drank wine, kept a journal, sought expert help, read, tried medication for a year and scoured the internet for success stories & helpful tips. (I always wanted to go on one of those retreat things in India where you do 20 hours of meditation a day, get a colonic and eat watermelon soup - but it’s not happened yet - maybe one day.)

It’s hard to know what one thing worked in the end. All of the above worked, in mini combinations with each other, but like most other successful overhauls, consistency is key. I’ve found that unless you’re willing to adopt a change in habits and autopilot patterns of thinking & doing for the long term, anxiety is likely to show up again. It did for me, anyway. It’s about learning about your own mind and how to control it. What works best for me, might not work for someone else, which is why it’s good, (alongside any medical advice), to take matters into your own hands a bit and experiment with what really, truly helps you feel better & to become aware of your own feelings as you grow with it. And making a note of when they change and what works. It really feels like a battle and can be a long journey, but it’s possible.

Like with many things in life, the simple things can’t be underestimated. I’ve come to appreciate, like, fully, really appreciate, the importance of a long, slow deep breath. It seems so silly and easy, but it has pulled me out of my head (and from physical symptoms) on hundreds of occasions now and is one of my main tools in hitting this thing on the head for good.

No matter where I am or what I’m doing, or how daft it might look, I stop what I’m doing and breathe slowly ... in through my nose and then slowly ‘blow’ the uneasy feeling away out my mouth, getting as much air out my lungs as I can. I do this as many times as I need to until the feeling travels through my body and melts away.

Again, this might sound a bit odd. We instinctively don’t want to feel these horrible feelings but I learned a long time ago that it’s only a feeling. It will come and it will go and I will survive. Rather than masking the feeling/ trying to ignore it, I try to acknowledge that it’s there and mindfully feel the unease. I’ve had these feelings so often that I know they will pass if I look them squarely in the eye as they come & go. I don’t know why this works but it does. You need to be willing to feel uncomfortable for half an hour, or a day or sometimes it’s even just five minutes. You work with it rather than against it and, weirdly, it gives you a feeling of control over what’s happening to you.

Feeling the feelings and deep breathing is something I now couldn’t live without. They are joint #1 in my first aid kit for mental health. They simply allow me to do the things I need to do, when I’m feeling like I can’t do them. They allow me to put one foot in front of the other and get on with my day.

When I was nineteen I made a Happy Book; a fancy-covered blank notebook for handwritten messages from people I loved. I got my family and friends to write happy messages or quotes inside. I still look through it often. The first page went to my grandparents and my Papa got the first entry. He wrote: “Emma - if you want a good life, just keep breathing.”

Amazing advice.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a qualified mental health practitioner. This blog is based on my own personal experiences & years of trial & error. Everyone experiences anxiety & depression differently and there is no ‘one size fits all’ solution. This blog may help some and not others. If you are experiencing anxiety or depression please contact your GP or mental health practitioner for professional advice tailored to your needs. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please contact The Samaritans IMMEDIATELY on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org